All anybody can talk about right now is Tim Burton’s remake of Alice In Wonderland. Though some think that Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, or Lewis Carroll as he is better known, was an acid-tripping, psychotic genius with a penchant for young girls, Burton has proven time and time again that there is no outdoing him as the king of thought-provoking, mind-numbing, shit-stirring storytelling.
Aries March 21 - April 19
“I never get involved in politics,” the Cheshire Cat says, mysterious as always. If it’s not your battle to fight, don’t get involved. It’s as simple as that.
Taurus April 20 - May 20
“Sometimes I believe in six impossible things before breakfast,” says Alice. Well, if you believe that nothing is impossible, consider the fact that the impossible may be happening. Imagine all the little, life-altering changes that are going on every second.
Gemini May 21 - June 20
You can always rely on children to tell you the truth. Why is it that when we get older, the only thing we really, truly get good at doing is lying? Is it because truth lies in ignorant childishness? ”If you’re hiding her, you will lose your heads,” says the Knave of Hearts. “Already lost them,” the Mad Hatter replies gleefully. Or are we just not aware of the consequences?
Cancer June 21 - July 22
“It would be nice if something made sense for a change,” complains Alice, but then where’s the adventure? The most exciting things come out of what we don’t know or understand.
Leo July 23 - August 22
“One person’s craziness is another person’s reality,” Tim Burton once said. To each his own and all the rest. Your opinion about something isn’t necessarily right or wrong but, then again, the same goes for the next person.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
Sometimes the wisest person is the person you least expect to have anything worth saying. Sometimes the smartest person is the smallest person in the room. After all, not everyone worth listening to is the size of a giant.
Libra September 23 - October 22
Remember when your mother used to always tell you to “agree to disagree?” Maybe she was right. If you take a look back at all of the fights you’ve had in the past, it’s possible you could have saved a lot of time.
Scorpio October 23 - November 21
We all have the liberty of bragging rights, but it goes without saying that some big-headed people really just need to be taken down a notch or two. “My dear girl, anyone with a head that large is welcome in my court,” the Red Queen exclaims. Most people appear nice on the surface, but this doesn’t say much for who they are.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
We all escaped to a dreamland when we were younger. In fact, some of us may still visit every now and then. “There’s a place like no other place on earth, a land full of wonder, mystery and danger. Some say to survive it you need to be as mad as a hatter.” In the end, reality always draws us back and as some of us get older, we forget what it’s like to dream. Don’t grow up too much.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
In this day and age, there’s really no excuse for someone to be late and not say anything. “Alice, you’re terribly late you know, naughty,” winks the Mad Hatter. Don’t do it. It’s just not courteous. You might even end up ruining somebody’s day.
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
“This is impossible,” says Alice. “Only if you believe it is,” the Mad Hatter replies. When we were younger, we were taught that nothing is impossible. In high school this is emphasized by our math teachers: “nothing is impossible, everything is probability.” But what if there are impossibilities in this world? Don’t spend your time trying to decipher useless things. Life goes by fast, so make the most if it.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
Quirky people always get made fun of in life, but are deeply appreciated in death. People have been arguing for years over what is “normal,” but really, who cares? “You’re entirely bonkers, but I’ll tell you a secret, all the best people are,” says Alice.
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